Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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