I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize