Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
