Me. At least after what I've been through.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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