McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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