i'm lost and i look like a hooker
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
