so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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