I will die if light touches me.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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