best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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