she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
