OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
