I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
