I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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