u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
