he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
