I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
