I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
