How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
