she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Randomize
