Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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