If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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