Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
