i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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