He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
