If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
