who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
