bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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