so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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