he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
