I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
