hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
