her facebook's as public as her vagina
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
