I'm drive I can fine osifer
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
