Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
