On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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