where am i from again
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
