If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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