Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Your penis caused this!
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