I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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