There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
