The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
