it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
