you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
PANTIES FOUND
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