so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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