You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
