I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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