Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
