it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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