i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
