You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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