Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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