You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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